


A Conversation on Sexuality

by dontbecooler, xSharpcharm



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Learning about Sexuality, Literally Soulmates, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Realization, Texting, They were meant for each other since the start, or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 17:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2476130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbecooler/pseuds/dontbecooler, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSharpcharm/pseuds/xSharpcharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming into a modern world where two men can marry can get very confusing for a super soldier who once knew that to be illegal. Luckily Bucky has Steve to explain everything to him, and help him realize the things he really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Conversation on Sexuality

**Author's Note:**

> Yay for my current OTP sorting things out. Sorry if posts and stuff are a bit sparse, life has a habit of being all in your face at times...
> 
> I was Bucky, Sharpcharm was Steve
> 
> ENJOY XX

**Natasha is trying to set me up on a date what do I do? BB**

 

Uhm... why is that bad? SR

And trust me. She was doing it with me too. SR

 

**It's not that I don't want to go on a date. It's just... I think she may be choosing the wrong type of people. BB**

 

Then... tell her? SR

 

**The wrong gender. BB**

 

Wait... what? SR

 

**She's choosing the wrong gender. Women. I don't think that's what I want. BB**

**I'm not entirely sure. BB**

 

So... what do you want? SR

 

**I'm not sure. BB**

 

You always... seemed to be good with the dames, Buck. SR

**It’s just... as the Asset I was made to do some things with a mark before taking him off the map and it felt right. BB**

**Entirely right. BB**

**More so than anything I've ever done with a dame. BB**

 

Really? Well then. Tell her. SR

 

**What?! No. She'll... Look at me funny. It's not normal Steve. BB**

 

Why isn't it normal? SR

It's perfectly normal. SR

 

**That's funny Steve. You remember what it was like for people. BB**

**People were killed. BB**

 

Not anymore. SR

Well I mean yeah, some people still are hateful. But it's not a crime anymore. SR

 

**That's a lie. I saw on the television. There were riots and things Steve. BB**

**It's still illegal in most of the countries in the world. BB**

 

Sometimes. But it's not... people can get married in the US. In over half of the states. SR

As well as the UK. SR

 

**So... Natasha won't mind? BB**

 

No she won't. SR

 

**What is Clint? He looks at you and Natasha the same. BB**

**So he likes women and men? BB**

 

He... looks at me like... SR

I. Yeah I guess so. SR

They have all these different words for the different... ways to love people. SR

 

**There's oral and vaginal, I learned about anal as well. What has that got to do with Clint? BB**

 

No like. You can like guys and dames. Or the same gender. Or in between. Or all. Or... there's a lot. SR

 

**Heterosexual and homosexual. BB**

 

Bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, etc. SR

 

**Those don't sound like words. BB**

 

They are. SR

Bi is just a prefix. Meaning two. In this case, both genders. SR

Omni as well. Meaning all. All inclusive. SR

Pan I think is supposed to be like the god Pan. I don’t know. Basically it means you don't look at gender and rather who the person is. SR

 

**Clint is bisexual. BB**

 

As am I. SR

With a preference to guys. SR

 

**Okay. I understand. BB**

**Thank you. BB**

 

Anything to help, Buck. You know that. SR

 

**You're bisexual. Am I? BB**

 

That would depend on how you feel. SR

 

**I don't feel like I want to love anyone right at this moment. Not sexually. BB**

 

No one? Not a single person? SR

Or is there an exception? SR

 

**I'm not sure. BB**

**I don't feel safe. BB**

 

Even with me? SR

 

**No I feel safe with you; I'm just worried that you're not safe. With me. BB**

**But then I'm not sure either. BB**

**You said you prefer men but I'm not sure if I count. BB**

 

I trust you Bucky. SR

What do you mean if you count? SR

Why wouldn't you? SR

 

**I've been made and unmade so many times I don't know anything anymore. I feel like a man, but I don't do male things and I'm frightened and worried all the time. BB**

**That doesn't make me a man. BB**

 

You seem... male to me. SR

Buck. Just because you aren't a 'MAN' all caps and definitions is bullshit. Just because you act a certain way doesn't make you any less a guy. SR

 

**Oh. BB**

**That's not how it was in the forties. BB**

 

Yeah well. The forties were shit with gender definitions. SR

 

**Okay. So you would prefer me? BB**

 

Yes. SR

 

**Are you insinuating that you wish to be in a relationship with me? BB**

 

I. Uhm. SR

 

[Delay] I mean. I wouldn't object... I mean I don't want to make you uncomfortable. SR

And I'm really fucking this up aren't I? SR

 

**I didn't think so. BB**

**I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. BB**

**I don't know what I'm doing. BB**

 

No. I… Shit. Bucky. It's always been you. This really isn't the way I wanted to tell you but here it goes. SR

I never was fully interested in dames. Yeah. I sorta... forced myself. But you... God. I loved you then. Completely and totally smitten. SR

It started out as a friendship. And turned into more. I don't know when. SR

Perhaps that's why I blame myself even more for everything that happened to you. SR

 

**I don't fully comprehend. Are you blaming yourself for the way that I am? BB**

 

If I'd caught you on the train... none of this would have happened. SR

 

**If you'd died in the crash we wouldn't be together. What if's are unimportant and frivolous. You say you loved me then, but me then is not me now. BB**

 

My love for you never changed. From then to now. SR

I still love you. SR

And I always will. SR

 

**I'm sorry. BB**

**I don't know how to respond to this. BB**

**Please excuse me for a few minutes. BB**

 

 [Delay] Take as long as you need, Buck. SR

 

**[Long Delay] You said you love me. BB**

 

I did. SR

 

**Are you sure? BB**

 

Of course. SR

 

**I tried to kill you. BB**

**I have a metal arm. BB**

**I scream at night. BB**

**I don't know basic things. BB**

**I can't cook. BB**

**Are you sure? BB**

 

You didn't. The Soldier did. You saved me. SR

Who cares? It's awesome. SR

So do I. SR

I barely know how to ride the subway system. We can figure things out together. SR

I can. SR

And yes. I'm positively sure. SR

 

**Steve you're not thinking this through. Someone sent a letter to me giving me an argument to why I'm the worst villain. The hero doesn't love the villain. BB**

 

I'm not a hero. You said so yourself a long time ago. I'm the blond from Brooklyn. Too stupid to not pick fights with guys bigger than me. SR

Captain America isn't me. That's the problem. Everyone sees Cap. When really... nothing changed. I'm still Steve. I'm bigger. But I still feel small. SR

But no one believes that. SR

 

**I understand. BB**

 

Yeah. You do. SR

 

**I am stronger but I am weaker. BB**

 

Then I'll help you get strong. And support you when you're weak. SR

 

**Steve... You don't want me. Even I don't want me. BB**

 

I want you. SR

I never stopped wanting you. SR

 

**You're only being nostalgic. Did you try with other people after me? BB**

 

Everyone was boring compared to you. SR

I tried. A few dates Tony tried to get me to go on. SR

I just couldn't connect with people. I... there was a hole in my heart. I didn't realize it until the moment I saw you. SR

 

[Delay] I had something to live for again. SR

**Steve... BB**

 

Hm? SR

 

**I don't know what to say. BB**

 

Hm. That's a first. SR

 

**I think you're deluded. And wrong. BB**

 

Hey now. That's not nice. SR

And no. I'm right. I'm always right. Remember? SR

 

**Wrong. You're being nostalgic and scared of what you could have outside of me. BB**

 

No. I'm just not interested. SR

I thought you were dead. I was trying. Just no one... stood out. SR

 

**Patience is a virtue. BB**

**I didn't even know what I was. I don't know what I am. How can you want that? BB**

 

Because I want you. However you are. SR

 

**I'm not even me. I'm an assassin and a veteran and a freak and a murderer and... I don't even know my sexuality. There is no however I am because I'm always changing. BB**

 

One step at a time, Buck. SR

Then I'll change with you. SR

 

**You don't need to change. You are perfect. You don't want to change. BB**

 

Tell me this Bucky. Not thinking of everything that could go wrong. Are you interested in me? Would you want something? SR

 

**Everyone says I was taking care of you in the forties but you were taking care of me. You brought me out of the trap of the Asset, you're keeping me grounded. BB**

 

I... really? I always felt so... bad. Because I felt I never... helped. That I always relied on you. SR

 

**Steve if you hadn't been around I would have been an alcoholic mess with no direction. Your moral compass was strong enough for the both of us. I think... I joined the army so I felt like I was keeping you safe. BB**

 

Yeah. I remember you basically telling me later. After I got the serum. You were so mad. You came into my tent in the middle of the night. I thought you were literally going to throttle me. And you told me "Goddamit, Steven Grant Rogers. I fucking joined the army so that you didn't have to. "You were always keeping me safe. SR

 

**I can imagine me saying that. I am still annoyed at you but not so much anymore because you love me and if you hadn't joined we wouldn't be together. BB**

 

Exactly. SR

So you should thank me. I'm kidding about that. SR

Because no one knows actually how rebellious of a little shit I was. Or am. SR

 

**If I kissed you in front of everyone in the tower they would know how rebellious you are. BB**

 

Oh would they? SR

 

**I suppose. But I would probably do something smooth like have an attack and steal the show. BB**

 

Hm. Then I suppose I'd have to distract you. SR

 

**I don't know where you're going with this. BB**

**I'm not ready for anything sexual. BB**

 

Do hugs count as sexual? SR

Cuddles? SR

 

**I'm not sure. BB**

 

Well we'll take it however you want. At your pace. SR

 

**Steve I may love you. I don't know. BB**

**Whatever I'm feeling I assume that's what love feels like. BB**

 

I'll wait as long as it takes for you to figure out what you want. SR

 

**This is why I'm feeling like I love you. BB**

 

Why? SR

**Because you understand. And you do not push me. BB**

 

Of course I wouldn't push. SR

And I feel like I do understand. At least better than most. SR

 

**Exactly. Also you're attractive aesthetically. BB**

 

Am I? SR

 

**Be quiet you know you are. BB**

 

I really don't think I am. I mean yeah. Better than when I had all that sickness and stuff. But... you were always the gorgeous one. SR

 

**You were beautiful when you were sick as well. BB**

**You're just healthier now. BB**

 

I wasn't. All the colors were skewed. I walked with a hitch to my step. I was skinny, gangly and... no. I wasn't. SR

 

**You really think I would have hung out with someone ugly? The old Bucky never would have. BB**

**You had to be beautiful to live with me. BB**

 

That's vaguely rude. SR

Though part of me wondered... if you didn't just do it because you felt sorry for me. SR

 

**Never. You were stronger than anyone I knew. Than anyone I know now. If it had been anyone else they would have given up. Not you. BB**

**You didn't let your sickness stop you. BB**

 

No I didn't. But I think that's because I was too stubborn. SR

 

**If you say strong it sounds better. BB**

**Look Steve. I love you. I loved you in the forties, maybe not in the same way, but I'm pretty sure I loved you then and I'm pretty sure I love you now. You're stupid for loving me, but you've always been stupid. I think we should try. Whatever we have we should try. BB**

 

[Delay] Really? SR

 

**Yes. BB**

**No. BB**

**Maybe? BB**

**Yes. BB**

 

Be sure of your answer. SR

 

**Yes. Of course yes. BB**

 

I love you. SR

 

**I'm almost sure I love you too. BB**

 

It's a start. SR

 

**Better than the forties. BB**

 

Yes. SR

 

**I should probably tell Nat I already have a date then. BB**

 

Yes. You should. SR

 

**[Delay] You wanna know what she just said? BB**

 

I bet she was smug and said something like "I knew it"? SR

 

**She whacked me over the back of the head and said, 'It’s about time'. BB**

 

Ha! SR

 

**Did she want us to get together all along? BB**

 

Probably. SR

That woman is a matchmaker. SR

 

**I agree. So... What should our first date be like? BB**

 

Hm. You want to go out or stay in. SR

 

**People will mob you. Stay in. BB**

 

... Not if I get Tony to reserve the entire restaurant. SR

**I don't want that. That's pressure. What about we just get... Takeaways? That's what they're called right? BB**

 

Yeah. That sounds good. Or we can order and have it delivered. SR

 

**That sounds nicer. BB**

**Yes please. BB**

 

Works for me. SR

 

**Okay. I'll see you tomorrow? BB**

 

Okay then. SR

 

**Okay. BB**

**I'm almost entirely sure I love you. BB**

 

I love you too. SR


End file.
